Happy People Like Themselves
I have written on the subject of happiness earlier. Since it is quite a complex subject and definitions of happiness vary from one person to another, I have revisited this subject. I asked some energetic and happy people who I know to share their views on the subject and then draw conclusions for the benefit of the readers.
Col Ajay (Retired Army officer and author)
What keeps me motivated and happy is the idea of getting up every morning with the thought, “I have to do this today.” It could be anything – writing an article, making a video, preparing for a talk or a presentation, planning an evening of tennis, or with friends and family. That sense of purpose which it gives me, provides the drive and motivation- and of course, the immense satisfaction which it is completed – which keeps me going.
The sense of having a goal- it could be for a lifetime, a year, a month, a week, or just that day – and then striving towards it – provides the motivation for each one of us. It gives the energy and drive to keep going and brings meaning and purpose to our days.
Col Amit (Retired Army officer and businessman)
On turning 60 I decided that till now my life in a major way was for others, but now I will give priority to things which give me happiness as long as it does not make others unhappy.
I began with writing in Hindi which was appreciated by people I shared with. I also started to work on my singing. It takes so much time that my writing has totally taken a backseat.
Next, time to give back to society, for which I spend time and my resources on my NGO.
Last but not the least, travel. We are a group of four friends who travel together frequently.
Success in any of the above motivates me to take whatever I do to the next level.
Rakhi (Educationist, life coach & my cousin)
I am a happy person who has no fewer problems than anyone else. I have realized that happiness is not hard at all. All you need is the right perspective and a willingness to never give up.
Happiness is nothing more but an actual state of self-satisfaction.
Happiness is not a destination, it’s a way of life. I found it in discipline. I found it in being courageous. I also found it in little choices that I made in life.
Happiness is a very personal thing to me. I define my happiness my way. I am sure we all have our own brands of happiness.
Vishal Mani (IT professional)
Like many of us, the most notable pleasures of my life come from family’s affection and the beauty of mother nature, which require limited elaboration. Another important factor adding cherry on the cake are my life goals, which give me immense joy once I fulfil them. My intense desire to learn as many artforms as possible, as a corporate leader, as a tutor, as an endurance athlete, as a writer, as a budding flutist etc keep me refreshed every morning.
I seek inspiration from polymaths like Leonardo Da Vinci and Rabindra Nath Tagore, who stretched the limits of the human mind to gigantic proportions.
It’s one life… Keep evolving!
That’s one line keeping me motivated towards my goals and eventual happiness.
Vanisa (Legal professional)
What gives me happiness is the little things. It could be completing all the chores of the day, reading that one extra page or doing more rep/round of exercises. This habit helps me to work on my aims/goals without losing my motivation. Hence, for me the motivation lies in taking small steps of improvement in daily tasks. “A little more”-“thoda aur” is my mantra.
Maj Gen Moolri (Retired Army man and working in corporate)
Happiness to me is a state of mind, where you are comfortable with yourself. After acquiring basic comforts of food, lodging and health care, additional material pursuits do not contribute in that proportion to happiness. I never bother much about public opinion as long as I feel that what I am doing is within the laid down societal norms and gives me happiness. Public opinion can change, as in the material world it is often linked to your status and not core values. Another important yardstick to measure happiness for me is to be able to laugh loudly, be full of enthusiasm and energy during the day and get a sound sleep at night.
I take every task assigned to me, big or small with deep involvement and sincerity. A job well done is intrinsically rewarding without external validation. Often external approval also comes your way as a bonus. This attitude energizes me to take on fresh challenges, leaving no time for negative thoughts and I move on happily.
Maj Gen (Doctor) JS Bhatti (Had a successful Army career and long career as Educationist)
Motivation and happiness are highly individualistic. One has to grow, perform and progress as part of society. Human, social and organizational societies have some indispensable values for their smooth functioning. Hence, human and social values should become the base for motivation and happiness. One may think of changing values themselves, but that may involve perseverance and self-sufferance before asking others to change.
Shikhar (Finance Professional, Entrepreneur, Tennis player & my son)
To stay motivated, I need a purpose. When there is an objective, it is easier to align your efforts towards an end goal.
Fortunately, I was able to discover the purpose of my life.
I try to stay motivated by setting small targets and working towards them. The key for me now is to try to align the smaller objectives with the overall purpose I have discovered for myself. I let that be the light house.
Happiness is a by-product, more than an end-goal for me. I am learning to soak in the feeling of happiness when it comes to me. I find happiness in the struggle or process to achieve an objective. Since the goal post keeps moving, I tend not to experience happiness at the end of a task because I am already dialed in to the next one.
Finally, the purpose of my life is to learn. Be a better version of myself tomorrow. This keeps me going.
Happiness for Author
Cool water or Lemon water on a parched throat after a long run is heavenly. Having accomplished a grueling task makes me happy. Winning a tough match/bout provides happiness. These words from my trainees/students: “Sir main jeet gaya/sir main select ho gaya/aapki baat kaam aa gayi” always give me so much happiness that I cannot verbalize the feelings.
Important Note
- No one from the above equated partying or the popular concept of having a good time as a source of happiness. It is not that social bonding is not a source of happiness. However, it definitely was not a big idea of happiness for anyone of the above.
- No one considered material possessions as a serious source of happiness.
What Keeps People Happy?
- Proactive. Happy people are proactive. They focus on things which are in their control. They listen to their conscience to decide what to do. They do not work to please their family, friends, bosses and so on but for their own satisfaction. As a consequence, they like themselves. If they were asked to revisit their lives, they may want to make some changes but would definitely have been satisfied with their major life decisions. In accordance with their conscience, they have been ‘okay’. They seek internal validation and do not depend upon any approval for their happiness. They cannot be ‘yes men’. They listen to their conscience a little more than the average guy.
- Trustworthy. Happy and motivated people are sincere; they value relationships and commitments. This outlook also makes them like themselves. In their eyes they are confident that they are travelling the right path. They are trustworthy.
- Achievers. Happy people are achievers. They are willing to take on challenges and overcoming challenges gives them happiness.
- Sense of Purpose. Happy people have a reasonably clear sense of purpose. They have clear goals for the day, month and so on. They achieve these goals and this gives them satisfaction.
- Enjoy Work. Happy people like whatever that they are doing. They are motivated workers. Bosses do not have to drive them but then bosses cannot expect them to support their pursuit of an unethical agenda.
- Confidence. Happy people are good at their work and pursuit of excellence contributes to their satisfaction. They are, thus, confident about their competence at the work they do. They also have a high self-esteem. This implies that happy people have greater tolerance of ambiguity. They would volunteer for role change at work place, willing to explore new areas and be quite willing to take on risks and adventure. They do not find it difficult to switch jobs/careers and perform well in most of their life roles of son/daughter, friend, employee, boss, parent and so on.
- Diverse Interests. Happy people have diverse interests. Having diverse interests makes it easier for them to adapt to different cultures, environments and so on. They do not face problems of generation gap and so on.
- Altruism. Happiness is of course derived from internal validation. A portion of this validation comes from a sense of making or having made a valuable contribution to society.
What Should be Your Roadmap to Happiness?
- Listen to Inner Voice. Please become conscience driven and seek internal validation and not approval of anyone. Do the right things and not the popular things.
- Proactive. Please stop cribbing about your family conditions, school, college, work environment and so on. Focus on what you can do with full energy.
- Good at Work/Life Roles. Stop such thoughts like, “I am in the wrong job”, “I was not cut out to be a teacher,” “Parenting does not come naturally to me” and so on. Endeavour to make yourself good at whatever job/life role that you are performing: student, worker, parent and so on. This is the only way to build confidence, to remove self-doubts, leading to liking yourself and becoming confident. By doing so you will believe that you are making a positive contribution to society as well. This feeling is also vital to being happy.
- Diverse Interests. If you are a student, be clear about your syllabus but also understand what your friends are studying in the other fields of knowledge. If you are a marketing guy, be the best that you can be at marketing but also try to understand as to what the operations/finance and HR guys are doing. If you are working in an industry then try and learn as to what is going on in other industries. Be a lifelong learner of diverse things. This outlook will keep you comfortable with all kinds of changes in technology, cultures, work, life roles and so on.
Last Words
Being and staying happy does not seem to be such a big deal. Please go ahead and live a happy life. Good luck!
–BY COL M M NEHRU
